E.T. Phone Home

When Willow was a little over one year old, I read something somewhere (the source escapes me), that she was at the age where she should be able to empathize with others. She should be capable of seeing someone in a situation and say to herself "oh, I've been there!" The book even went so far as to say that she should react with the emotional response tied to the situation.

Later that day, I shared the excerpt with Matt, and we decided to observe and test. Sure enough, an opportunity presented itself--Willow's friend Alex fell down and was crying--we're talking real tears of pain! We watched Willow and saw that she had stopped doing whatever it was she was doing in order to assess what was going on with Alex. Then..much to our surprise...and dismay--she was laughing and cooing. Didn't seem phased one bit.

Did we fail her and society in some way? Why wasn't she crying or upset like the book said she should be? Oh, I know, maybe she was SO empathetic that she was trying to cheer him up? distract him? What kind of person will she be if she cannot empathize--show compassion?

We tried to figure out how you TEACH empathy. And, once taught, how do you CULTIVATE (there's that word :) it? I don't remember the various measures we decided to take or the lessons we were going to *teach*, but pretty soon, when the panic died, we completely forgot about the whole thing.

This morning, over 2 years later, it all came back to me. When I awoke with Autumn, I came down the stairs where Willow and Matt were huddled around the computer. I heard music that I recognized to be the soundtrack to E.T. Upon seeing me, Willow ran up to tell me all about E.T. She didn't get far into the story before she burst into tears--a true emotional wreck. She sobbed as she spoke of how E.T. was far away from his home and how he wanted to go back. She could barely make it through the part where Elliot helps E.T., and she just about lost it altogether when she reenacted how E.T. put his finger to Elliot's head and told him he'd always be "riiiiggghhhtt hhheeeerrrreee."

I couldn't believe my eyes! Who was this child in front of me--touched so deeply by a raisiny-wrinkled alien? It was a child swelling with EMPATHY, compassion, love, heartbreak! Somehow, she turned into the beautifully empathetic human being we were hoping she would. And, I'm completely and utterly unable to write any kind of "how to" manual on it (nor should I take other "experts" telling me when certain aspects of emotional development should occur as fundamental truths)--I think she learned it from living, loving, and being in this world!