It's Harder on Me

There was a Native American tradition (the specific tribe escapes me), where the men of the tribe would "kidnap" a boy, upon his 12th birthday. The mother would pretend to run out after the boy, screaming in despair, trying to rescue the boy from his kidnappers. The men would take the boy away for a period of time, teaching him the "manly" ways of the tribe. The boy would return to his family a new man--learned, mature, confident and detached (from his mother in particular).

The first time I heard of this tradition, I thought HOW CRUEL!!! I couldn't believe the mom was actually IN on it--making that poor boy believe he was being ripped out of his home, her care, and that she was devastated. But, as similar situations begin to arise in my own parenting, albeit in smaller doses, I see the love behind the ritual. I can see the reasoning, too--the boy needs to grow into his own being and the mother needs to let her little one do so.

This week marked Willow's first week at preschool. We signed her up for a Montessori program that came highly recommended by some friends of ours. She only attends 3 mornings a week. It's been a huge first step for her and us and, like any change that reaps growth, it hasn't been the easiest on any of us. Not that it's been HORRIBLE! No kicking and screaming--just some tears, lots and lots of talk about feelings, some attempts to contain and understand sadness, coping methods. The teacher said she was great after school got going, which made us feel better. (and I must admit I parked across the street 10 minutes early to watch her play outside and, yes, she was fine).

We know that this is what she ultimately wants--when I second guess, I just remember all the times she showed signs of restlessness, wanted to play with friends...all the times she played "school" and picked out books on the subject at the library. The separation anxiety is completely normal, and I need to remember all the ways in which she'll benefit by going. No...I'm not ready to send her off cold turkey so she can find herself! Not even close. But I am ready for her to grow, thrive and find a LITTLE bit of herself. Maybe gain some confidence by stepping out of her comfort zone, learning that the world is not the same place as her little bubble of home life, but that she's better than OK in the world. She's great (of course, I will maintain the bubble of security for her for when she comes home :) ). I miss her when she's at school, but this is good for me as well.

And, if for some reason, we feel the situation is not what it should be--that she's NOT thriving, that the school isn't well-suited for her...whatever...we'll pull her out and try again next year. Besides, she's only three and a half!


Walking up to school.


A wee bit shy and nervous.


There's Anabelle!


Saying goodbye.