I so get it

Yesterday, I packed a lunch and took the girls to the mall. I know, I know, exciting quasi surbaban living. Anything to fend off winter boredom.

We were sitting at a table, eating our sandwiches, when I just happened to notice a woman preparing to sit nearby. She set a piping hot plate of stir fry (my almond butter and jelly paled in comparison!) on the table and began lifting her boy from the stroller and into the highchair. She was met with a surprising amount of resistance from the boy, but struggled, nonetheless, to get settled in for lunch.

Sure enough, an arm, a foot...I'm not sure, caught the plate of food and sent it barreling to the floor...facedown. Untouched rice and vegetables provided a nice landing pad for the plate--the only salvagable item. The mom stood there for a moment, shoulders hunched in defeat. Before she could even regain composure, two custodians swooped in with their big, industrial mops, and cleared away any and all evidence of what would have been her lunch--perhaps her escape from winter boredom. She looked as though she was fighting tears as she packed up and left.

I tried very hard not to get pulled into her world in that moment. I did not want the empathy to well up in me, calling forth remembered feelings of frustration and defeat. I understand wanting to simply eat lunch, or take a walk, or breathe for a moment, just to be confronted with struggle. I wanted to reach out to her, to tell her that I get it...I so get it. Except mine was a cup of coffee to escape the lonely gray of Portland.

But, alas, I remained a lurker. I didn't want to call out to her in fear that it would magnify her defeat to know others witnessed the wasted food and victorious boy. I couldn't get up because I have two of my own to watch out for. Two who needed me in that moment. Not to mention, it may have disrupted my window of opportunity to eat my lunch. Things were going pretty well for me at that moment, and I didn't want to sacrifice yet another meal.

Mothering is hard and isolating. Joyful, yes. Easy, no. I'm not complaining. I make a daily effort to firmly embed in every cell the feeling of gratitude for all my blessings. I just get it. I so get it.